Limerence or Love

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov wrote a book in 1970 called "Love and limerence", in which Dorothy discovered a strange kind of love that was different from ordinary love and He called this loving feeling "limerence". Tino’s research did not receive much attention in the 1970s, and reading this article you may be among those who have heard the word luminescence for the first time. It has been found and people are openly talking about it. I often receive messages in my inbox where people’s situations match those of Limerence but they don’t know why they are so intense and have no control over themselves. What is the name of Limerence? What people experience this? And what can be done to get out of it?

It is natural to be emotional in love or ignore some of the flaws of your beloved because at that time a person is under the influence of chemicals released in the brain. But when things are going out of the ordinary and beyond your understanding as to why and how such dangerous intensity is happening, you feel losing control over your life and yourself. Lumrence can start suddenly, but in some people it gets worse over time. It starts with a very beautiful feeling that turns into a frenzy that evokes intense emotional feelings. You can also call it an emotional affair.

During this time you may feel something like:

• Recurring thoughts of that person, with emotions strong desire to have physical relationship with that person (not infrequently).
• Most importantly, you don’t care how much the other person is interested in you, you are only immersed in your feelings, whereas in love, feelings are reciprocated, in love there are feelings on both sides. There is one, but in Limerence the story is one-sided, or the other person’s interest and investment is minimal or non-existent.
• * Your mood depends on the mood of the person with whom you are in love, if he shows a little interest, you are in the next heaven and if he doesn’t respond, your whole day/month/year feels devastating.
• You cannot have feelings towards more than one person, even when you are surrounded by many high and excellent people, you cannot turn towards anyone else. What have I seen? You are many times better than him, you have nothing to lose, you have such a good wife/husband, your mind is out of whack”……your mind is really out of whack.
• Since the person you are controlling in Limerence isn’t that interested in you, when they don’t respond to you as warmly as you do, you get lost in a fantasy of your own making and get lost in that fantasy. We feel the warmth (reciprocation) that we never get from a human being.
• When that person is in front of you, you are nervous, fast-talking, nervous, and stuttering (physical symptoms can be other and different).
• People suffering from limerence feel more pain when faced with problems because it is necessary to understand the reality to solve the problems or difficulties, but people with limerence are in a state of intense fantasy and then they feel even the slightest difficulties.
• When the uncertainty starts to increase in lucidity, you experience physical symptoms, such as heartache or pain elsewhere in the body, because our mind does not differentiate between a broken heart and a broken leg.
• In Limerence, if you get a little pain from the person about whom you are obsessed, then you forget all your problems and keep thinking about him. All the problems remain in front of this one person.
• The most dangerous sign, everything is happening in front of you, you are seeing what this person really is, red flags are going up, but you are deliberately trying to find the good in this person. You are looking for positive things even in his negative personality, it is called denial.
• What makes you sick is the vain desire for him to think only of me, and want me.

Symptoms can be more severe or less severe. And if you tell these symptoms to someone, he will say that it is love, there is nothing in it that does not fall under the category of love, but those who go through luminescence can feel these symptoms very well. Most people would call it a "crush" which usually happens to teenage kids. But don't have a romantic crush, it happens to married people too. By creating an imaginary sketch of love or a person's personality, you connect your feelings with this sketch and get addicted to it.

How are these imaginary patterns and imaginary love created and how can these patterns be avoided? How can you save your time and self-esteem by getting rid of narcissism?

Neuroscience in the depth of luminescence, i.e. the right type of chemical release with the right person at the right time, apart from luminescence, your childhood and parenting behaviors are also behind. It is very important to understand that our childhood never leaves us. If you grew up in a narcissistic or emotionally dysfunctional home, it's very likely that you'll be stuck in a lucid cycle. Therefore, analyze the rhythms of childhood, note the behavioral patterns of parents, thus you will get a chance to understand your behavior and emotions.

For example, if a man or a woman starts a conversation with a person and starts with a general conversation that grows over time and the person in front starts sharing their personal stories, in which they share their childhood, their sorrows. And listening to him tell different things, you subconsciously remember your childhood and your brain immediately sends you a signal saying, "We can understand this person, we have suffered all this ourselves and We can "make" this person "happy" by helping them. Thus a feeling of sympathy arises, and then emotional attachment, and then luminance (because childhood was spent in a family that was emotionally inactive). You start finding the person more interesting and you start going deeper and then an intense attachment develops. Now the strange cocktail of sympathy, pity, love, fantasy, attachment, limerence is ready to ruin your life and time!

Try not to communicate with everyone in today’s age of digital revolution. Getting to know everyone or listening to their personal stories or sharing your sorrows can be torture for you in the form of emotional attachment. If you want to know, know those around you, we humans are not designed to know people outside of our family sitting across the mobile screen. In this modern age, with more connections comes more suffering. The less you interact with people, the better you will be mentally. And where you feel too good to see or talk to someone, then understand that there is a "mess" and stay away from (the person).
Yes! You have to stay away from such a man/woman!

* If you are suffering from this mental illness, first contact a good psychotherapist. And read the literature on it yourself. Get help from friends, tell them what is happening to you and how your daily life is being affected. I am often told by people in my inbox that they are facing a lot of difficulties in their daily life because of this fantasy. Of course, this pain cannot be expressed in words. Person addiction is more dangerous than any common addiction.

Meditate, observe your emotions. Consider your feelings. Be mindful of how you feel in whose presence when.

We try to fill the void created by the behavior of parents in childhood in the form of addictions or addictions. Suppressed emotions in childhood can come out in any form later on. We do not have control over who we will meet or not, but if we are aware and mindful about our own and other people's attitudes, we will avoid such hollow and time-wasting illusions as luminaries. can extricate themselves in a timely and safe manner.

Sajjad Ullah Khan